CELL PHONE SAFETY

I went on some errands today and thankfully remembered to take my cell phone with me. After numerous verbal counseling from friends who couldn’t get in contact with me when I’ve been on the road, I made it a point to keep it with me at all times.

I have a leather case for my cell phone but trying to find that case in my purse when my cell phone goes off was like trying to find a credit card at the city dump, but my purse doesn’t stink like one.

The brilliant soul that I am, I decided to stick my cell phone in my bra for easy access. I couldn’t think of a better place for it to keep me on my toes for calls from my friends at any time. For safe measure, I put my phone on vibrate and when it vibrated in my bra, it would ensure that I wouldn’t miss any incoming calls from my friends. Additionally, I had set my phone to a pleasant melodic alarm which would go off at 0700 every morning for times when I need to get up early. Unfortunately, I forgot about this setting.

As a routine, I take a hot bubble bath every night but skipped it last night because I was too tired to make the preparations. So I hopped into bed, snuggled underneath my comforter and went to sleep.

Early this morning, a faint melodic sound from my cell phone awakened me. Irritated but slightly awake, I listened more closely and noticed that the sound was coming from underneath my covers. I threw back my comforter and discovered that the sound was actually coming from my chest, from inside my bra! I slapped my face with both hands and then reached into my bra. I grabbed my phone, which was unusually warm, and turned off the alarm.

So you see, this is what happens when I don’t take my nightly bubble bath.  To be safe, I’d better stick to my routine!

MYSTERY OF THE REFRIGERATOR LIGHT

Recently, I drove to Ramstein one weekend (again). Seems like I just can’t stay away from that beautiful area for very long. Plus it is so close to France, only 30 minutes from the border! Normally, when I drive there, I’ll take a trip to either Forbach (30 minutes away) or to Metz (an hour away) to do a little shopping. But this time, I opted to stay on base and just chill.

As is normal (or more abnormal considering my past unpredictable situations) whenever I travel, I always experience a wild, wacky episode or two. Always.

I can attest firsthand that God has a sense of humor. It seems as though He guides me onto paths that hold adventures, which provide me with the subjects of my stories. I consider my love of writing both a gift and curse.  A gift in that I can easily capture situations others might miss or ignore.  A curse in that I won’t rest until after I browbeat my trusted friends into reading my drafts before publishing.  For good measure, I warn them that I expect feedback or else they’ll have hell to pay. They always come through for me, so they’ve never had to pay any hell! My friends: I gotta love ‘em. So, bear with me on this one, because although it’s a true story, it’s still so stupid.

I checked into the Kaiserslautern Military Community Command’s new hotel on Ramstein Air Base. The KMCC, as it’s called, is a relatively new 10-story hotel near the base exchange mall, which also houses familiar stateside store chains and fast food joints.  All very convenient.

The rooms at the KMCC rival any four-star hotel.  I had booked one on the seventh floor with unobstructed  views of the flight line and the rolling hills of the countryside surrounding the air base. 

And I just loved the queen-sized bed, fresh linen, and fluffy pillows, all of which prove to be the perfect sleeping pill after a hot shower.  I remained pleased with the little thoughtful amenities which others might ignore: the shower, shampoo, soap, and toothpaste samples grouped together on the shiny gray marble counter in the bathroom.  And I can’t forget the roomy closet, which has two floor-to-ceiling sliding mirrored doors.

But back to the real point of this story:  the closet. 

Whenever I entered the room, I could turn on the light by the door by using the switch on the wall.  But I would have to go to the bathroom and use the switch on the wall in the bathroom to turn on that light, and I would have to go to the lamp on the nightstand next to my bed to turn that light on. 

Yet to save time and electricity, as the front desk people suggested, I should put my room card with the electronic chip in the slot next to the light switch by the door so that I could turn on all the lights in the entire room at the same time.  Not sure why they have this set up like this, but it’s the Air Force. They’ve always been the ‘different‘ military branch. 

So after using my room card to unlock my door, I dutifully put my card in the slot next to the switch on the wall and voila! I was able to turn on all the lights in my room at one time, including the bathroom. Will wonders never cease?

After unpacking, I took a shower (no chance of an overflowing bathtub this time which is another story).  I put on my jammies, turned off the lights and jumped into the bed to read by the light from the lamp on the nightstand.  All snuggled and comfy, I became distracted and rather annoyed when something drew my attention away from the gossip mags:  a glow from a light coming from the hallway.   

Irritated, I got up and saw that the door to the closet was ajar and that the light in the closet was still on.  I looked for a switch on the wall outside of the closet to turn off the closet’s light but didn’t see a switch.  I opened the sliding door wider and peeped inside the closet for a switch and found none.  Puzzled, I began to wonder what the hell I needed to do to turn that damn light off! 

Again, I looked inside the closet, but I still could not find any light switch.  Scratching my head, I thought to myself how the hell did this light get turned on in the first place?!  Then it dawned on me when a light bulb came on in my head.  This epiphany took me back to my childhood days.  It was a revelation bigger than the ego of the most narcissistic idiot on this planet.  It was the mystery of the refrigerator light!

Like me, no doubt you did this same thing when you were a kid. Initially, I couldn’t figure out if the light inside the refrigerator stayed on or not when I closed the refrigerator door.  Like me, you probably stood in front of the fridge repeatedly opening and closing that refrigerator door until your little brain discovered that when you shut the damn door, it pushed a button inside the refrigerator that turned the refrigerator light off!  I was blown away!

So remembering how excited I was back then when I solved the refrigerator light mystery, I simply closed the closet door and BAM!  The light went off! Just like that! I was tickled that the refrigerator door light technique had survived over the years and had figured into the construction of these lovely closets in this modern, military hotel. 

Also as a youngster, I was proud to have figured out the mystery of the refrigerator light all by myself. I kept quiet about my Ah-Ha moment, though, and never discussed my discovery with anyone else in my family.  I think if I had mentioned this to any adult in my family, especially to my two older brothers, I would have never heard the end of it.  Knowing those two knuckleheads, they would have suggested to my parents that they plant my little ass in front of a child psychologist for weekly sessions and treatment for my rampant curiosity, which never killed this cat! 

So now, as a full-grown, somewhat mature adult, I felt really stupid not knowing that the light in the closet would go off once I closed the damn doors!  Just like the refrigerator light did when I was a kid.  Seems like the simple stuff never gets old.

A SNOWY LESSON IN FUTILITY

IT WAS FRIDAY, 29 DECEMBER 2017

When I left the Post Exchange (PX) this evening, I saw that snow had blankedt the entire area outside. I didn't know that much snow had fallen while I was shopping. Anyway, I dusted off my car, took a few pictures to send to friends in warmer places, and headed home...slowly. Normally it takes me about 15 minutes to get home from the PX. That evening, it took me almost an hour and a half!
It was a beautiful drive that night of stop-and-go movement, but oh so slow! Too slow for my lead foot! During a few stops in the stau (traffic jam), I even took time to play a few games of Solitaire on my iPhone before the 'turtles' ahead of me started to move again.
After I got to my town and headed up the street to my turn off, I noticed that a big city bus was blocking my turn. Apparently, the driver tried to make a left turn to go up the hill, but the bus had other plans because it slid over to the sidewalk on the right side of the road! Well...I slowly drove around the bus on the opposite side of the road, looking at the helpless-looking driver as I passed his bus. He had a forlorn look on his face as if he was crying out for help. But I couldn't do anything for him except to pass his bus, which was blocking one side of the street. Thankfully, when I turned, no cars were coming on the opposite side of the road.

Then, I got to the street where I had to turn off onto the cul-de-sac where I live. When I got to my cul-de-sac and tried to go up the hill to my house, my car couldn't make it even halfway up even though it has snow tires! I tried backing up and trying to drive back up again five or six times, but my car kept slipping and sliding like a pig on ice skates. I became frustrated because my home was ever so close. Only a few hundred yards away.
Suddenly, I saw the lights of a car coming behind me. There was enough room on my left side so that the car could pass me and go up the cul-de-sac. I noticed that the car was actually a jeep, which belonged to one of my neighbors who lived on the corner at the entrance to the cul-de-sac. He parked his jeep and got out to come over to see if he could help me. I tried one more useless time to get up the hill but the snow wasn't having it. This was a snowy lesson learned in futility for me. As my neighbor approached my car, I rolled down my window. He told me that it would be better to park my car down on the street and walk up to my house.
SAVED BY SOMEONE WITH COMMON SENSE! LOL
So I backed up my car and parked on the corner at the entrance to the cul-de-sac. I sat for a minute. I had so much stuff from shopping to carry up the hill to my house that I was trying to decide what I needed. I got out the car and thought I'd carry whatever I could without slipping and injuring myself any further. My neighbor stood by and came over to me to ask me if he could help me bring some things to my house. "Yes, thank you." I beamed. I gave him one bag and he said, "I can carry something else if you'd like." I forgot that this strapping young man was much younger and stronger than I was. I remembered that he and his wife are hunters and have two beautiful hunting dogs. No doubt they're both in great shape. So I gave him my six pack of mineral water, took out one of my canes, and locked my car before we headed up the snowy street to my house. We chatted along the way. He shared with me that one of his dogs was pregnant and would deliver her pups soon. I was glad for him. The short walk up to my house didn't get me winded at all, which was pleasantly surprising considering that I had to walk with a cane.
I told my young neighbor that he was an angel for being in the right place at the right time. He just laughed and said he didn't have any wings. So, this has been my experience so many times. God prepares me for situations before I even get where I'm supposed to go! One thing I know for sure: God sends me angels when I need them and they're right on time!